Wahoo, another chapter of Avatar is up! I hope you all enjoy it.
Sorry that the writing is going so slow. I’m having a pretty hard time focusing on my writing nowadays. It’s annoying, and I know the cause, but have yet to be able to fix it. So, I distract myself with things like Command & Conquerer 3.
Now I’m going to descend into somewhat maudlin crap. So feel free to skip it, because I’ve already said what I’m going to say about Avatar for this entry. If you’re gonna read the rest, be aware that I’m not looking for pity, or even advice. Unless it’s really useful advice, of course 🙂
I’ve been looking around at my life and asking questions. People do that a lot, I’m sure. As you might have read in earlier entries, 2006 wasn’t exactly a banner year for my wife and I. I survived it, which is something, I suppose. But I’d like to do more than survive. There’s a lot about my life that couldn’t be better, but there’s some stuff that’s just plain scary.
Like sitting in my stall — er cube — at work and wishing that I could write. For reasons that I won’t go into, I can’t even bring a cell phone into my work place, so having a palm pilot to write things down on is way not happening. The computers are monitored, and I sure as hell ain’t writing porn (or any other kind of writing) on a company computer. And really, I wouldn’t do that anyway, since I’m there to work, not fuck around. Putting down an occasional note or something is fine. I mean, people take smoke breaks, so if I get something I want to jot down for a few minutes, I don’t see anything wrong with that. But since I see my job as essentially useless, the call to write is very, very strong.
No, what’s really wrong is the job itself. And I think the last year has shown me that, thanks to the company I work for, I’m very out of touch with certain kinds of tech — like the kind I tried to build my career around. I can still do it, but no one, and I mean no fucking body, will hire you if you don’t have the latest and greatest tech skills, on tap, right now. At least, not in the tech starved area of the country I live in. Doesn’t matter if you have years and years of experience in the tech field. Fuck no. They don’t want you as a valued employee — they want you as a piece of meat in a chair that can just do what they want until they get around to shipping that job off to fucking East India and firing your ass.
Bitter? Me? Naaa. I just know what I saw in 9 months of interviewing last year. I have skills. I have experience. I’m pretty smart. I almost always make it to the point where it’s between me and one other guy for the position. But the other guy I’m competing against has actually been doing the fucking job I want to do, and my useless, shitty company, has me doing paperwork. It has all of the senior engineers doing paperwork and powerpoint engineering. It’s very depressing. It’s like I’m trapped there, and have no marketable skills anymore, and the situation there isn’t all that rosy even if I wanted to stay.
I’ve spent months thinking about what else I could do for a living. But I’m trapped there too. I need to maintain a house, and now it’s also very important to have good medical insurance. Taking a lower paying job means losing my house, and at my age, I’m not prepared to do that.
Ah well. Something will come along. Or it won’t, and I’ll end up dropping dead in a hallway in the very company that made sure I couldn’t get a job anywhere else. Pretty thought.
So, if you are curious why Avatar chapters are few and far between, perhaps this’ll help explain it.