The end of the year is only days away. Thankfully. I pray to the Goddess that next year is better than this one was.
Just a note about how I’m doing. Not well. You know, I hate the fact that I almost never get to write in this blog about good stuff — it’s always bad stuff. And, aside from my health, which isn’t great, but isn’t terrible, all of my troubles stem from one, single source: the shit-hole company I work for.
Why don’t you leave? you ask.
If it were that easy, don’t you think I would have?
It isn’t easy. The area that I live is like a tech depression. Few jobs exist, and the one reason I’ve stuck with the shit-pit I work for, was because it was something other places weren’t: stable.
Well, no more. The stability is an illusion. Or perhaps I just preferred to think of the company as having a stable workforce, and it never did. It’s not as if they lay a lot of people off. But having the project you’re working on lose its funding is a constant threat. And I do mean constant. When I think back over the years, I realize what an absolute idiot I was to continue working there. I should have taken the job, but continued to look for another one.
In the years that I have worked there, they’ve pulled projects left and right, and they haven’t won a new contract in years, so there are, finally, no other projects to work for. Yet the CEOs still make millions every year.
Two years ago, I became ill and, in fact, almost died. I was out of work for a month, but that wasn’t nearly enough time to recover. I needed a stable environment. I needed lowered stress. What did I get? Moved off my project and told I had 2 weeks to find another one. Truthfully, they put me on another project, but that one was ending in weeks so I had to keep looking. I desperately needed that time to recover, to heal, but I was denied it. And, the low life motherfuckers actually gave me a bad review because I was out sick for so many days. I got no raise, and let me tell you, the raises they do give out aren’t anything to write home about. My mortgage went up. Gas prices shot through the roof. Hell, everything costs so much more.
They did it to me again this year. Not with the review, but with the project. Because I keep my ear to the ground, I had warning, but they told most everyone else that close to fifty percent of the people on my project were getting booted off sometime in the next month or so. They told people that the day before everyone went on vacation for the holidays. Merry Christmas assholes!
No managers will be losing their jobs. The CEOs will still get bonuses. Upper management went home, able to contemplate what they were going to get their family and friends for Christmas. Most of us went home knowing that due to the rock bottom abilities of the company management, there ARE NO MORE FUCKING PROJECTS TO GO TO!. Yet the cockroaches that we call our management chain, like the paler, six-legged imitation, go on.
So, no vacation time for me. I mean, I’m technically on vacation, but I can’t relax. I’ve been beating the bushes trying to find a new job. But it’s worse than that: The skills that I had when I started work in this shit-hole are gone. They slipped quietly away as I struggled to use their stupid, fucking processes to get ‘work’ done. They slowly died as, time after time, work that would have kept them up was promised, but never given — funding cuts, don’t you know. And, at last, when I look in the mirror in the morning, I know that I have nothing to compete with in the market place — this shit hole company stole my chances away and has quite possibly destroyed my career. Did you know that when shit-hole began a campaign to get employees to take their careers seriously, almost to a person, everyone laughed and said, “what career? Here? You’re kidding, right?” I’m not the only person who hates it there, and I’m not even in the minority.
It’s my own fault, of course. I should have been looking out for me, not for them, and I’ll never, ever make that mistake again. I used to think that by doing a good job, I was doing right by the company, and they’d return the favor. What a naïve idiot I was. So now, I scramble to pull together and brush off old skills, and hope that I can find someplace that will give me a chance. Someplace that is not where I currently work, because I don’t plan to stop looking this time. Of course, they might just start laying people off, since there isn’t any work. I hope not, but well, life is not fair, and the universe couldn’t give a shit about me, or anyone else.
Knowing that you can fail, that, despite all your best efforts you can still lose everything is a very scary thought.
But don’t worry — those corporate CEOs won’t miss a meal. They won’t miss a payment on their house or car, and their families will be taken care of. You know, I wouldn’t mind that so much except for the fact that these cockroaches aren’t good at running the company, they’re only good at climbing to the top of the heap and shitting on the rest of us.
Oh yeah, and to those who asked why I don’t move out of this area, I say this: Because I have family and very good friends. I’ve moved around enough in my life, and I’m tired of it.
End of Depressing Stuff
So, now you know why so few Avatar chapters have been forthcoming.
Speaking of which, a new chapter is up, but I was too lame to have it edited by KB. I wanted to post it, but I hadn’t had time to edit it myself. By the time I got around to actually editing it, I still sent it off to him, but I wanted to post the thing anyway. There’s still another chapter in the pipe line, and more on the way, of course. There’s also a new book that I’m just about finished with. I will warn you now though, if it gets published as an ebook, and you buy it, you’ll see that it’s not the usual nice BDSM stuff. It’s pretty heavy. You’ve been warned.
I miss BDSM play, though. My sub and I used to play a lot, but no more. Her health, and my mental health (see Depressing Stuff Rant — or not) has kept that at a minimum. Also, and not for nothing, but the big BDSM events are really fucking expensive. Combine that with a sub who will probably not be in the mood and it’s a recipe for an unpleasant, expensive day. That kind of thing, I don’t need. So, anyone who has been playing, and wants to comment about cool stuff they’ve done, please feel free!
Kink.com continues to amaze. I just love their Training of O site. A lot. I so very much wish I could work in the sex industry. I don’t have the body for it, for sure, but I have the mind for it. Breaking in isn’t easy though — especially a) where I live and b) with what I look like. Also, beginning money isn’t so great, I’m sure. But I love to watch those guys work. James and Madison Young and Sarah Jane, Princess Donna — they are just a joy to watch work. Most of the other girls and guys are too (with one notable exception, who I will not name.) I also love to watch the behind the scenes stuff they sometimes post. It makes me feel a little closer to what they do.
Just to let you know, the Training of O site isn’t all that expensive — certainly not for a high quality video a week. Plus, Madison is such a sweet heart, and hangs occasionally on the forums. Fucking amazing.
And thank the Goddess we only have one more year of G-Dubya. If there was any justice in the world, that fucker and his entire family would be stripped of their fortunes and made to live on the kind of money the rest of us make.
Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter. If you read the rant, go and think of something fun, and my best to all my readers in hopes that the new year will afford us the chances to do some great stuff.