Does it ever actually get better?

This week, I found out how seriously in jeopardy my job is. The answer is very. I voted for our current president, but had hopes he wouldn’t cost me my job. Looks like I might have been wrong about that. Losing my job would be incredibly bad. Yes, I know millions have (Thank you, you rich piece of shit corporate types and all you so-very-helpful people in the government), and I’d just be one more statistic. This was not how I’d hoped my life would go.

Then, just this morning, I discovered that someone who was a friend, and on the way to becoming a close friend, was killed. I’m so heart sick.

Someone bright, smart, talented and beautiful. Gone. Simply because someone else was too stupid to control their car.

I know that most of the time, everyone who dies was bright and beautiful and all that shit. But this time… this time, it’s not just flattery. It’s not just grief talking. I know a lot of very talented people, and this person was exceptional.

I hate the fact that such an incredible person is dead, when there are so very many people out there who aren’t worth the air that they breathe. Aren’t worth the time it takes to note the fact that they’re even alive. People who give nothing back, and in fact are nothing more than parasites or evil pieces of shit who could be shot without anyone even noticing they’re gone. But no, it wasn’t one of those people who died.

The funny thing is that I didn’t even know her all that long. But in a short time we learned a lot about each other. I was so looking forward playing music, having discussions and welcoming an exceptional person in my circle of friends.

What hurts as much, or more, is that a mutual friend was far, far closer to her. His loss is so very much greater than mine.

And there is absolutely nothing — not one, single, solitary thing I can do to make any of it better.

I know life is supposed to be a series of highs and lows. Haven’t seen an even moderate high in a long, long time now.

And people wonder why I can’t seem to write anymore.


About Dark Pen

I am Dark Pen. I write BDSM stories, almost always with plot and consider myself a Soldier in the battle against America's war on sex.
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4 Responses to Does it ever actually get better?

  1. Anonymous says:

    I’m terribly sorry to hear about your friend’s death.

  2. Anonymous says:

    We can’t make it better, just hope you heal in time. 😦
    Best wishes from someone who acturally gives a fuck and tries to leave the world a better place then they found it-very few of us…

  3. Anonymous says:

    I know
    I lost someone I love last month. she was a talented singer and we had our whole life planed out but what hurts the worst is that I lived when she died at eighteen. we were promised to each other and I swore I would die to protect her. so I do know how it feels but we have to rely on our circle for strength and never loose hope. Life is like the raging sea, there are the ups and downs that make you sick but there is always land somewhere.

  4. Anonymous says:

    It seems silly when the best way |I can think of expressing how I feel is to quote, but… I do “grieve with thee”.
    – – – – –
    “Babylon 5: A Late Delivery from Avalon (#3.13)” (1996)
    Marcus Cole: I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, ‘wouldn’t it be much worse if life *were* fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them?’ So now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe.

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