This week, I found out how seriously in jeopardy my job is. The answer is very. I voted for our current president, but had hopes he wouldn’t cost me my job. Looks like I might have been wrong about that. Losing my job would be incredibly bad. Yes, I know millions have (Thank you, you rich piece of shit corporate types and all you so-very-helpful people in the government), and I’d just be one more statistic. This was not how I’d hoped my life would go.
Then, just this morning, I discovered that someone who was a friend, and on the way to becoming a close friend, was killed. I’m so heart sick.
Someone bright, smart, talented and beautiful. Gone. Simply because someone else was too stupid to control their car.
I know that most of the time, everyone who dies was bright and beautiful and all that shit. But this time… this time, it’s not just flattery. It’s not just grief talking. I know a lot of very talented people, and this person was exceptional.
I hate the fact that such an incredible person is dead, when there are so very many people out there who aren’t worth the air that they breathe. Aren’t worth the time it takes to note the fact that they’re even alive. People who give nothing back, and in fact are nothing more than parasites or evil pieces of shit who could be shot without anyone even noticing they’re gone. But no, it wasn’t one of those people who died.
The funny thing is that I didn’t even know her all that long. But in a short time we learned a lot about each other. I was so looking forward playing music, having discussions and welcoming an exceptional person in my circle of friends.
What hurts as much, or more, is that a mutual friend was far, far closer to her. His loss is so very much greater than mine.
And there is absolutely nothing — not one, single, solitary thing I can do to make any of it better.
I know life is supposed to be a series of highs and lows. Haven’t seen an even moderate high in a long, long time now.
And people wonder why I can’t seem to write anymore.